Beau fell silent, taking Eliot's words in and turning them over in her mind. Was not doing it again simply a matter of willpower, of just not giving in to the anger? She had such a hard time with her temper and the discipline the monks had tried to teach her never really stuck. She was an impulsive woman of action - stopping and evaluating something in the heat of the moment, to think with her mind and not her fists was something she struggled with. She knew it... but she also knew until this encounter, she'd never had that kind of problem with it.
Maybe the magic had ramped things up so much she would never be able to control it. Maybe without that heightened emotion like that, she wouldn't be out of her own discipline level. On the other hand, maybe she was a horrible person that didn't deserve to have anything resembling happiness for being a fucking brute. Beau sighed; she wasn't getting anywhere with that kind of thinking. Not all of it.
"Yeah, sounds like real fucking hard. I mean... I've already made excuses and shit to either stay away from Glinda or just not get - ah - intimate when I'm even the slightest irritated. Problem is... I get irritated really easy. I feel like I'm... fucking overcompensating - overcorrecting - in my attempt to not be like that again. And it is messing with things, you know... when you wanna and you should but you can't really trust yourself so you don't when you probably should. My witch knows something is wrong and she knows it's a personal thing I'm working through, but that's it. I'm fucking grateful she ain't prying, cause I can't... I just can't, Eliot."
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rosecarmine
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Date: 2018-12-12 04:21 am (UTC)Maybe the magic had ramped things up so much she would never be able to control it. Maybe without that heightened emotion like that, she wouldn't be out of her own discipline level. On the other hand, maybe she was a horrible person that didn't deserve to have anything resembling happiness for being a fucking brute. Beau sighed; she wasn't getting anywhere with that kind of thinking. Not all of it.
"Yeah, sounds like real fucking hard. I mean... I've already made excuses and shit to either stay away from Glinda or just not get - ah - intimate when I'm even the slightest irritated. Problem is... I get irritated really easy. I feel like I'm... fucking overcompensating - overcorrecting - in my attempt to not be like that again. And it is messing with things, you know... when you wanna and you should but you can't really trust yourself so you don't when you probably should. My witch knows something is wrong and she knows it's a personal thing I'm working through, but that's it. I'm fucking grateful she ain't prying, cause I can't... I just can't, Eliot."